Around the age of twenty, I had a late-term abortion. At that time in my life, every piece of my existence was a complete mess. I was constantly fired from jobs, failing every class in college, and addicted to cocaine.
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was immediately flooded with tormenting thoughts:
"What did you do now, Jennifer?"
"You're a mess…you can't have a baby."
"You’re too selfish to be a mom."
"Your parents are going to be so ashamed of you."
"Look at how irresponsible you are."
The lies from Satan came in quickly, and I believed every single one of them.
The guy I was dating wanted the child, but I wouldn't even consider keeping the baby. So I asked him to take me to a clinic to clean up the mess I had made. Funny enough, he was willing and available to drive me to the nearest Planned Parenthood.
When we arrived, I walked into a waiting room with about twelve other women. The plastic chair I sat in matched the cold and uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. I remember anxiously wringing my hands as I waited my turn to speak with the doctor. When I was called back, he legally had to ask me a few questions. One of the questions was, "Why do you want this procedure?" I remember telling the doctor that I wasn't ready for a baby, and I wanted to finish college. But deep in my heart, I knew the real reason…I was terrified. I was afraid of being trapped in a relationship with my current boyfriend, fearful of what would happen to my future. But most of all, I was concerned about the shame and disappointment I would be putting on my parents.
When I finished answering the doctor's questions, he examined me, and he told me that I was much further along than expected. I was at least twenty-two weeks, and it would require a two day visit. The first day was for dilation and the second day was for removal. I agreed to come back the next day and finish the procedure.
My addicted and messy life took an even darker turn after I had that abortion. After that, my life revolved around numbing the pain of disappoints.
Roughly five years later, I gave my life to Jesus Christ and through passionate surrender I gave up drinking and drugs, cold-turkey. In 2008 I got married, and in 2013 I got pregnant with my first son. I was so excited! I loved all the sonograms! All the maternity clothes! And all the Dr. Pepper! My son was growing in my belly and as I was cherishing each moment. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…I remember sitting in church one day, around the twenty-week pregnancy mark, when I realized that I killed an innocent baby, and it was around this same time I terminated that pregnancy.
As soon as the pastor was done preaching and the altars were opened for prayer, I ran to the front of the church. Tears of repentance flooded my face. I was ugly-crying so hard that I couldn't get a single word out of my mouth. Finally, the lady that was trying to pray for me asked me to calm down and take some deep breaths. After I finally composed myself enough to tell her why I was at the altar, she wrapped her arms around me, and she prayed Grace and Redemption over my life.
In June of this year, the Lord opened the eyes of my heart and I saw myself in the middle of a grassy field. Jesus walks up to me and hands me a newborn baby. I took the tiny baby into my arms, and He gently said to me, "What you aborted, I am giving back to you." Uncontrollable tears streamed down my face, and I looked at that innocent baby, and I said to it, "I'm so sorry for what I did to you." This one moment, on my knees, in the middle of a worship service, brought deep healing to my wounded soul.
The Father isn't mad at me, and Jesus doesn't look at me in disgust. Quite the opposite. His love and forgiveness knows no bounds.
I want to end this blog with Ephesians 3:18-19 (Passion Translation)
Then you will be empowered to discover what every holy one experiences – the great magnitude of the astonishing love of Christ in all its dimensions. How deeply intimate and far-reaching is his love! How enduring and inclusive it is! Endless love beyond measurement that transcends our understanding – this extravagant love pours into you until you are filled to the overflowing with the fullness of God!
If you watched the news in September of 2021, you would know that a new law was recently passed called the Texas Heartbeat Act. When abortion providers detect a heartbeat, the abortion cannot be performed. My life would be completely different if this law were in effect in 2003. This new piece of legislation will save thousands, if not millions of lives, and I am grateful to the ones that sacrificed to get it done.
Here at the Beautiful Basics, we are cheering you on, and our desire is that you feel the overwhelming love, forgiveness, and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.